Sheenisms

in the spirit of inflated celebrity burnouts and Live the Sheen Dream, i present Sheenisms:

NASA announced the space shuttle replacement is Charlie Sheen riding four porn stars.

Charlie Sheen alone holds up the economies of Columbia and Peru.

Charlie Sheen singlehandedly killed every Somalian pirate, equipped only with a floatation jacket and 28 grams of cocaine.

“Two and a Half Men” was canceled because Charlie Sheen bought the rights to the name for his penis.

Charlie Sheen does not go on “benders”, they are called “economic stimulus acts”.

“Navy SEALs”, “Platoon”, and “The Chase” are documentaries.

the Bugatti Veyron SS lost the production car speed record to Charlie Sheen in a Flintstones-mobile.

Charlie Sheen attempted to make a porn, but it was considered groundbreaking cinema and swept the 2012 Oscars.

Charlie Sheen quit “Two and a Half Men” to independently liberate Egypt, Tunisia, Algeria, Oman, and Bahrain…

…and China began withdrawing from Tibet when Charlie Sheen was spotted jogging towards it.

the San Fernando Valley was given to Charlie Sheen to found the independent nation of “Pornostan”. it immediately declared war – and shortly after, victory – on every country where pornography is outlawed.

Charlie Sheen was hired to train US special operations forces in the art of complete ass domination.